i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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