Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
