wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
