I look better un-naked...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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