i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
