Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
