can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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