Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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