There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
