Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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