my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
