how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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