You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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