I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize