Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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