Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
