Your tits are I can't wait for
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
