i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
vagina is talking i cant
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
