his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
