I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
