belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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