I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He better not be in your backpack
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
