What a fucking waste of an outfit
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
