I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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