Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
