Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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