If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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