I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
