i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
