One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
