so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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