My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
