he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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