I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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