I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
