One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
