And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
