And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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