now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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