You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
