Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
