THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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