I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
