you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
