You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
