Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
