I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
