she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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