I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
