i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
