your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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