Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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