his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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