I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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