i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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