He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How naked do you want me to be?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
