I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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