i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
