He uses pillows to masturbate.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize