hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
