Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
