im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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