Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
