i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
