Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize