It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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