I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
