never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
