i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
