There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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