So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
