I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
