We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize