with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She's like a pop up book from hell.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
