p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
