i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
