thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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