capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
