i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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