I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
