We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
