She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
